Not to get all philosophical on you here, but I felt I should give some sort of sketch of what happiness is for me, or at least, what it’s not.
When I say “happiness,” I definitely don’t mean the “I love everybody, let’s all love each other” kind of crap. Let’s be honest, some people are stupid and probably deserve to be punched in the face. I don’t mean the super-energetic cheerleader all the time either. I’ll admit, I’m pretty energetic and upbeat (not to the point of nauseation), but sometimes I just have to take a break! I’m really excited at conferences, professional events, on interviews, when I’m dancing, but being that happy is tiring! I want to be happy a lot of the time, not tired all of the time.
Another thing I think I should get out of the way, my happiness isn’t having a significant other or starting a family. I have parents and they’re awesome! Considering that I don’t like kids, that’s about all the family I can handle. I’m not looking for someone to make me happy either. First, how are you supposed to be happy with someone else if you can’t be happy on your own? And second, that’s an awful lot of pressure to put on someone: your own happiness. Sounds to me like a recipe for a bitter and violent break-up, which could make for a fabulous reality TV show, but not of my life.
I don’t want to feel happy all the time, that would be ridiculous, and I’m not nice all of the time, or even some of the time, so my happiness isn’t based on how nice I am to others. (I’m super-charming to people who don’t know me though!) Really, I just want to be myself all the time. I want to laugh a lot (and not always the “Oh, I’m so happy”-laugh, but the “haha, I’m laughing at something dumb you did”-laugh too) and be sarcastic & opinionated and like dogs more than kids and have a good time. And sometimes you can be perfectly happy and content and you don’t always have to smile.
- I don’t want my happiness to be contingent on anyone
- I just want to be myself all of the time…or at least more of the time