Being Honest

Today I’m going to be very honest.  This isn’t unusual.  I’m a very honest person, but I don’t write my entire life on this blog; it’s often confined to my workouts or most recent kitchen adventure.  Today is me trying to vent and to get myself going.  Let’s hope it works.

Lately, I’ve been so hard on my body.  It’s been awful.  I haven’t been eating as well as I should have.  I feel like I tumbled down a very large hill and landed in a pile of fast food, Nutella, and Dove ice cream bars.  I’ve been flip-flopping with being upset with myself and letting it go.  On one hand, I’m so upset with myself since I know how to eat.  On the other hand I’m trying not to be too hard on myself because everyone makes mistakes.  But, if I’m not upset with myself, how do I incorporate accountability into my life?

Not only has my eating been slipping, but so has working out.  I swam twice last week.  I need to swim/work out more often.  I’m thinking at least three times a week.  I had a nice conversation with my mom and I told her I was feeling moody lately.  She mentioned it might be because I’m not working out as often as I used to be, so I’m not getting a regular shot of endorphins.  I think she’s right.  I feel drained and not as happy as I want to be.  This means even though I’m trying to pursue some side projects, working out does not get to fall by the wayside.

I feel like I have so much to do that I’m completely overwhelmed and frozen.  I’ve been procrastinating simple and essential tasks, like answering email (the kind that doesn’t require a novel-length response).  It’s ridiculous.  I did not used to be like this.  I keep telling myself to get off my ass and go be productive and do something.  It never seems to work.  Ulgh.  It’s like I have no motivation and my energy has been sucked dry.  I need someone to kick my butt into gear!

I’m continually blaming the fact that I’ve been perpetually non-productive on the fact that my desk isn’t set up.  Perhaps if I stop procrastinating that task, everything else will fall into place.  I just want to have everything unpacked and put away.  Right now, it seems that the phrase that can best sum up my life is: Perfect is the enemy of the good (Voltaire).

So, asking for help is great and everything, but at the end of the day, I’m accountable to myself and no one else can shoulder that responsibility.  Damn it, Ed, go do something!!

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One thought on “Being Honest

  1. It’s hard to find the balance…we have to keep ourselves accountable, but in a loving way, not a beating ourselves up kind of way. I agree that part of it could be the lack of workouts, it really affects my mood and energy levels too.

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